Game of the Month: March 08 Edition

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And now, without further ado, the Shame of the Month by Brian Allen:

I can only shake my head and wonder how this game was conceived. Here’s a reenactment of the most likely birth of Homie Rollerz for the DS

Destineer Exec #1: Hey, you know those Homies collectible figures?

Destineer Exec #2: Um, no...

DE #1: Oh sure you do! They've sold millions of figures nationwide! Anyway, we've picked up the license and we're going to make a wicked cool racing game with it. Are you down, homie?

DE #2: Stop talking like that. And pull up your pants.

OK, so maybe it didn't happen just like that, but it's obvious the gaming industry has officially run out of licenses to put in Mario Kart ripoffs.

What was the second choice, Golden Girls Race to Miami Beach? You know a game is bad when one of its primary characters is a talking chili pepper and that's not even close to the most embarrassing part of it. The term "racer" really doesn't apply in the conventional sense. All the cars have different ratings in categories like top speed and acceleration. But they handle as if you tied together four tires of different sizes and used a decommissioned city bus for the frame.

The game is so...unfortunate, that finding a screenshot was hard.


The collision detection is so poor that when you run a car off the track (and even Jeff Gordon would with these nonresponsive controls) you’re likely to drive halfway up a wall. Eventually you'll clip back down to the ground, in perfect time to be completely out of the race. The alleged upgrades to your vehicle don't make the experience any better.

Graphically, there's nothing here that couldn't have been done on the original Game Boy. Of course it goes with the rest of the misshapen mess. I'd have been more than a little surprised if a racer based on the Homies was anything but bad. This wreck doesn't even rise to the level of playable. Even if you're the most devoted of Homies fans (snicker snicker) you're better off buying some more cheaply made plastic figurines.

Article by James Pikover.

Apr 1, 2008
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