We have a major disappointment here, folks.

"They can give us graphics, but they can never give us OUR GAMEPLAY!!!"

Okay, so that's not how the quote from the movie goes, but the above line was all I could hear in my head as I went through the paces of playing Eidos' newest, Braveheart. I couldn't wait to get my hands on this game, and I bothered the folks over at Eidos for months about when it was going to be released. Well, it's finally here, and I have to say, I'm pissed.

I don't get that aggravated too often over games anymore. I've pretty much learned that the crappy games are going to outnumber the good ones by at least 3-1. I don't expect much anymore, and I don't get much, so when I say that a title really ticked me off, dammit, I mean it. I loved the movie Braveheart, even if it was factually incorrect. I must have watched that movie a hundred times, and I still get teary-eyed at the end. The idea of a game based on this movie seemed a bit of a stretch for me, I must admit, but when I heard Eidos had a hand in it, I figured it would be okay. Eidos pretty much knows what they are doing, but I think someone left the prince in charge while their Richard the Longshanks was visiting another country. Braveheart stinks.

Of course, the question is, why does it stink? What is it that causes the game to have such an odoriferous quality? Execution, baby, that's what. The game has a great story line, obviously. It had great prerelease ads, and even the box looks pretty sharp. Things do get a bit suspicious when you lift the front flap of that box and get a glimpse of the 3D version of Mel Gibson, wearing a scowl that even Mr. T would be proud of. The 3D depiction of Gibson doesn't look right. Something's off. And that's where things start to go bad.

I'll stop wasting time and get right to it. The gameplay is terrible. All strategy games are supposed to be involved, and I usually welcome higher levels of detail with open arms. The level of detail in this game achieves a level of boredom I have not seen since I played a game called In Search of the Most Amazing Thing by Spinnaker Software 15 years ago on my Apple IIe. You select a tribe, pick a leader (who wouldn't pick Wallace?) and then proceed to make your way through the game.

I say it that way because you end up stuck on the resource screen seemingly forever, with nothing happening. There are things going on in the background, but there really is no way for you to discern that. The movie was action packed, even though it was 3 hours long, so you'd expect the game to be faster-paced. It's drudgery. The ads and the box advertised 3D battles. You do get to see the battles in 3D, but they are more like movies than anything else, and in no way compare to the graphics seen in Myth, my personal high-water mark for 3D strategy games. 80% of the game is spent in front of an ugly, hard to decipher resource screen. There's a good time.

When the 3D comes, which is about as often as truth comes from a politicians mouth, it is pretty. Then again, you are comparing it to that resource screen. The sound is also fairly good, and is probably one of the best aspects of this game. Actually, if you shut the monitor off, turn the speakers up, and disconnect your mouse, you might have a better time. Then again, just pop the Braveheart DVD in your computer's DVD drive and pretend you are playing a game. That would be the best option.

If staring at that screen doesn't bother you, and you like super-detailed strategy games, there are a few things to like about Braveheart. First, you have a rich world to work in that you're probably somewhat familiar with. You also have to be cunning, especially in the area of diplomacy, to have any chance at this game. If one of your favorite things in Civilization was using the diplomat, well, then, this game might interest you a bit more than most people.

In all, we have a major disappointment here, folks. I practically sold my soul to get this game, and I feel like I could have gotten more for my wretched soul on the open market. In my mind, this game was supposed to mimic the movie in both feel and action. Instead, this game takes the movie and slows it down worse than a 20 year old VCR would. I suspect you'd have more fun trying to force the VCR tape into an old Betamax player.

Reviewed by John Misak.